Oh hello. Were you looking at my butt? Not yet? Still looking at others’ butts? It’s ok, I’ll wait. My butt size is super important, you see. Everyone’s is these days. In the mid-2010s, everyday is a booty contest du jour. I’m not really sure what set all of this butt worshiping off. I don’t want to give too much credit to J-Lo when Sir Mix-a-Lot seems to have had the time advantage on this one.
We find ourselves here in a cheeky moment in time… a posterior promenade, a fanny festival, a jubilee de keister, if you will, where butts are front and center (wait, that is totally a weird visual) and all eyes are focused on oiled up, well lit, celebrity glutes. If baby don’t got back, baby get back.
Let me state here that I am not #blessed with an enormous rump. In fact, I’m pretty sure it has never been the focus of anyone’s adoring gaze. It does it’s job. I sit on it. It never fails me, but no one is getting Insta-famous with this rear of mine and here’s the kicker, IT DOESN’T BOTHER ME.
*collective American culture gasp*
Shouldn’t I be running to the nearest fill-it-up doctor to fix my flat? Shouldn’t I be strategically styling to hide my flagrant flaw? Shouldn’t I be ashamed of myself?
I like to think back to the 70s, which I admit I was only around for the last few years of that, but there are pictures, so I can pretend to know some things about the culture then. In the 70s, it was Flat Butt City. Man, people were working hard on their aerobic fitness to get those buns down to the minimum. Also, thin lips. Oh those thin, frosted thin lips of the disco era. And OH, the body hair. It’s almost like it was the COMPLETE OPPOSITE OF TODAY. Whoa.
This was a very long way of saying, rather than worrying about your butt (which is the most ridiculous body part I can think of focusing on), turn your gaze outward and focus on something that doesn’t go in and out of fashion, like how many rescue animals can you help? How can you get involved in your city and make a difference? How can you be more kind? Learn how to build websites, robots, make art…or start a business sewing clothes that fit stylishly and snugly around giant behinds, because there’s definitely a market for that, ya know.
*end of preachy rant*